Ok, just being real here. Anytime I sit down to do anything adoption related, this quote comes to mind. I might be doing paperwork, I might be re-doing paperwork, I might be making a payment, just to get an invoice with our next dues......I might just be asking questions to our caseworker. Then I think, hot diggity, I am INSANE. I do the same thing over, and over, and over again. I do paperwork, I fundraise, I make a payment. Then I do more paperwork, I do more fundraising, then I make another payment......you know how the rest goes. I do the "same thing over and over again." Now, I think I even expect different results. I expect to maybe one time hear "You got a grant, so the next payment is taken care of." and eventually I will hear...."You are done, go get your daughter!" But for now, im insane. Its a sad truth.
Not only am I insane, but I feel kind of needy. Not only am I needy, but I am lonely. I am needy and I am lonely for our little girl. Do you have any idea how weird it is to know who she is, and to know that we are going to be her Mama and Daddy....but, right now we cant have her. We have to leave her in an orphanage.....while we continue to repeat our insane behavior. Ick, its not a good feeling.
So, tomorrow I plan to look into a couple more grants (again), then I plan to make a game plan to figure out our next payment (again)............
Please pray for this journey to move fast....who knows how much longer I can last before I lose my mind completely....ha. ha. ha.
Oh Sweet little "D"...you are so loved and wanted!!
Love,
Your insane Mama
